A List can Lead to a Better Outlook

It's sad to know that there is so much in the world to be thankful for an yet it can be forgotten as soon as life hands us something we feel is a little out of our reach.

Lately, I have been feeling the stresses of two main areas of my life, school and relationships with others. These things, have for the past couple of weeks and even still now have rendered me somewhat useless. Not to be over dramatic (because let's be real everyone feels this way every now and then) but I just haven't felt like myself, I haven't been able to focus on school or studying and I've just wanted to keep to myself and be alone. To me, it sort of feels like when you wake up from a nap and still feel groggy, you are awake but not really. It is just bothersome because I can't shake it off yet, but I know I will.

Last night, I was talking with Twinks on ichat and being very melancholy debra downer (must have been a fun conversation). She gave me the brilliant yet plain as day idea to make a list of things I am thankful for and blessed to have. I started making the list and I soon found I had filled a whole paper and upon seeing all the things in my life that are so great, I felt silly for not remembering them on a daily basis.

I suppose I can chalk it up to the can't see the forest through the trees deal. I was so wrapped up in everything that was going wrong I couldn't see that there are so many more things going right. I am so blessed and I feel guilty for taking it all for granted. So I guess my advice of the day and the point of sharing this is: instead of feeling sorry for yourself and looking at negatives, make a Thankful list. Chances are that list will be so much more numerous than all of the negative things going on around you.

Some of My Thankful List:

- My sisters

-Reality Checks

-Phone calls with Nonnie

-Best friends from home

- DJ, my Kappa Sisters,and my friends at school

-The way technology connects people

-A warm smile

-Music

There is so much more to this list and yet even looking at the abridged reader's digest version above I am already feeling a little better.

Lovelove.

Jordan

Since everyone seems to have a case of the Mondays...

I posted a picture of a baby animal...because who doesn't have their wrinkled up, withered, black heart soften just a little by looking at it. Unless of course you hate baby animals, God forbid you find yourself in a petting zoo.

Just remember only a few more weeks until summertime! :)

lovelove.

Jordan

i haven't written in awhile.

Sometimes the events in other people's relationships makes me scared for my own. There seems to be so many variables that can ruin something precious, and honestly that completely freaks me out. I've been thinking about this and summer a lot lately and I just get nervous. Not nervous for my own actions, not really nervous that I truly think something damaging will happen, just nervous for the thousands of things that could happen, that may never happen, but could.

Ali

God Bless Hokie Football

Spring Game was today. It reminded me there are only five months separating me from Virginia Tech Hokie football. I cannot wait, next season will be epic. Love the Hokies!

I, Jordan Virden, president of "the good girls club" am branching out. Think a mix of How Stella got her Groove Back (minus the steamy Caribbean romance scenes) and the part of Grease where good Sandy turns into sassy Sandy. From now on I will be trying new things, gaining new experiences, and meeting new people, no matter how uncomfortable any of these will make me feel. I need to do it, it's so necessary.

lovelove.

Jordan

Menefee Men Advice

All of the single ladies out there, listen up.

The Menefee men have a new dating tip they would like to share with you. Use it wisely and kindly.

"Start a dance circle...

and then break it down to make him leak."

Real classy boys, real classy.

I love A.M texts from Ali

"I learned how to write thank you very much in korean

so if all else fails....I have that"

Luke Says....

"I think that Ali is in love with me

and just wont admit it honestly."

oh golden boy.

Can I get that coffee grande with a side of graphic childbirth stories?

I am in Starbucks getting a coffee (so elitist I know) and some woman is yelling into her cellphone about childbirth. I love babies they are precious but what I dont love is a graphic play by play of how they come into this world. I feel like politely tapping her on the shoulder and saying,"excuse me mam do you have a napkin your phone call just made me throw up a little in my mouth." They should let this woman come into sex education classes, she is probably the best form birth control I have seen in awhile.

P.S Just so you understand, the word "rippage" was used three times. Not cool, lady, not cool.

Happy Earth Day!

All I need is that base bumpin'

"I'm on the pursuit of happiness

and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good."

MErh.

Well, I spent all day at the library (I mean, I won't be dramatic about it, I had excellent company all day.) and I got some reading done, but I simply can't get through Notes From the Underground, which is VERY problematic because for my final paper (a paper that in my estimate will rock the 21st century and move literary critics and astonish all my Humanities teachers that never thought I could write.) I'm writing an analytical monologue, for the topic-Based on the views Nietzsche advances in his Gay Science, imagine a conversation

between him and TWO of the following (you choose two): Dostoevsky’s

Underground Man, Mary Prince, Victor Frankenstein, More’s Raphael,

Machiavelli’s Cesare Borgia. In what ways would these figures agree?

Disagree? What would be their major points of discussion?

Ugh.

Luke Says....

"I can't believe I got sick for my first date with her tomorrow. How am I supposed to whisper sweet nothings in her ear?"

Since we're talking about hate. Let me get on my soap box.

I would like to comment on two things I hate:

a) When you are trying to find what you will wear that day and you think to yourself, hmmm maybe I will wear that high waisted skirt with that t-shirt. Yeah that's "interesting" and "modern." You think this only to discover once you have put it on that it looks like all of South Central Los Angeles (recently watched Gangland on that place, street cred) has been shoved into your skirt. I mean it's cool, I love looking like I am smuggling an entire city in my skirt, it's really flattering. I'm trying to put an ass on, but I don't want my "junk in the trunk" to be comparable to an entire city. That's just not right. It's okay though, "sweat pants are the only thing that fits me right now."

b) My unknown microbes in microbiology lab. You would think something so small would not be able to inflict so much terror on my life. But it's true, my unknowns are horrid little creatures. Up until today everything was going smoothly all the tests had predicted results, I got out of class an hour early, life was good. But that was a simpler time. Today I got two positive tests, which is funny because I'm pretty sure they are two different microscopic pieces of shit. But you know it's cool, it's due Wednesday. Hopefully my microscopic bundles of joy will figure out who they want to be, let's just say I'm not down for switch hitting microbes.

cheers.

Jordan

something I hate.

You know,

when I see someone sprinting around campus like there is a fire following them about to engulf them in flames, I think to myself-

PLEASE LET THEM FALL.LET THEM TRIP, SKIN THEIR KNEE...SOMETHING.

I cannot stand people who run around college campus'. I mean, I'm not talking about actual joggers, I'm talking about people dress for school and giant backpacks running. It pisses me off. I have no idea why, maybe its some me projecting my feelings about something else on these people, but it really REALLY bothers me. I mean, walk fast or leave early, this isn't field day.

It feels good to get that one off my chest.

I'll trip you this is not a god damn sprint/you should have left earlier,

Ali

Blaire Virden's take on Grinding.

Dear Ali ,
I was not at all surprised to see how you were so defensive towards Sister Mary Jordan's thought on grinding. I am infact now able to realize you are indeed the pimp daddy of this kinda of "dancing". I am speaking as a victim here.

Yes think back wayy back like idk when I still wore overalls and an actual innocent smile. You know fifth grade times.. . crayons, hamsters , cotton-candy ice cream, more hamsters.. well that was all a thing of the past by the end of that year. In my mind it was all about shaking my non existing hips to some dirty rap song I knew nothing about; a.k.a you recruiting me up to your pimp daddy hustler grimy grinding shack and showing me some dance moves I'd never forget .

Then you put your poor wittle sister out alone and scared on the dance floor around all those intimidating pre-teens. But it was cool because I got over my nerves fast .Yahh I owned those YMCA dances . No little kid could "shake it" quite as fast as I could or "drop it low" like little 3 foot me. But you know what? Its just was not okay Ali. Yeah the year after that when I went to a ballin' middle school dance, I had teachers scraping me off the floor.

Here I read almost seven years later that you are still that sick crazy person tryna get dirty on the dance floor. Jordan may have been extreme but there is always a right time to do the whole grind thing (prom ' 10 oh heyy) but sometimes its just not okay. Oh and the cat walk NEVER okay .

-Blaire

ONE MORE THING

I also disagree with something on the post "seesstors",

Jordan Lee DeSales Virden's forehead is infact big enough to land a spaceship on, everyone knows that. NASA knows it.

Also, this is the first April 20th I haven't skipped to smoke in the last 4 years. Cheers to getting old, 20 certainly hits you. Ya know, makes you mature.

Anyway, back to logic.fml.fml.fml. It's going to be cool failing a class, maybe it will teach me humility or something. Maybe it will make me a fast runner when my mother comes to beat my ass.

Yours,

Ali.

Sorry, but I respectfully defend.(well, sort of)

Although, as a good girl club member initiated into the bad girls club (I like to think of myself as a modern day lucifer, falling from heaven...into the pits of hell/corruption/and fiery explosions.... Except less dramatic, less extreme, and less into a life of total damnation.) I too was shocked, appalled and horrified at the way those women (ha.whores) chose to express themselves to the young men that they would vomit on or preform sexual acts on later that evening. I would like to disagree with this paragraph:"I am not going to say that I am so prude that I think there should be no sassy dancing at parties and other occasions (though I always keep that 12 inch ruler in my purse...kidding...). I think there is a huge difference between following the music and having fun and looking like you should have on clear, light up platforms and that your name should be "Stardust." So go out, have fun, dance away to the "phat beatz", but remember keep it classy."

Because Jordan Virden has danced on a table at a party, on a chair at a bar, and her name probably should be "skinny binny slut pants". Furthermore, I remember at homecoming 2007 I'm almost postive I saw Jordan do a move that would later be titled, "Dropping in low." And even before that, I remember a little tween going to a 2003 YMCA dance. So go on, shame these girls. Yes, their nano dresses where offensive and I couldn't tell at times if I was at a college party or the makings of an amateur porn video (which, if that was the case I will sue for royalties. I'm sure the back of my head made it into the opening scenes.), and yes the line against the wall was just uncouth and absurd. (I think I say the wave happen a few times between all the stand up young gentlemen) And yes, I did think, "Do they go to this school or is this the bought entertainment? Or just the local trash?" BUT, in the defense of the other side, (lawd knows we all been there. YMCA dances anyone? the 21042 ya feel me, better yet dunloggin middle school, DO YOU FEEL ME? 5 points...bars...basement parties...feel me, I know you do.) We have all had moments were actions such as this have taken place. Disgusting dance moves in corners of bars, hot tubs, beaches, you name a location someone has grinded there, and perhaps with pants off (ugh. So passe.) SO to these women, and to you skinny binny stardust skank, AND in conclusion, ladies of Blacksburg, and all ladies-grind on girls, grind on (and when you know you have that shot of brunette's in your hand that WILL put you over the edge so that you think you are in-fact a stripper, please. put it down, I can't "defend" whorish actions all the times.)

Cheers.

Ali

A couple of weeks ago, I ventured out into the town of Blacksburg to a party in Pheasant Run, accompanied by my twinks and some gal pals. No big deal right, just a couple of girls, going out, looking to have a good time and get their inner Miley Cyrus/Lady Gaga on. Whatever... it's cool. It was there, at said party that I spied a graphic part of young American culture. Grinding.

Now, this wasn't my first time at the grinding rodeo; I've been to other parties, my high school's homecoming, and dare I say, my 8th grade dance (too young, too soon). This time though, I found it to be particularly graphic. Young gentlemen (this term used loosely) were lined up against a wall getting vibrated on by young women. It wouldn't have been so terrible had the young women not chosen to wear the micro dress (one was more like a nano dress but whatever sets you free) with no underwear look, a perennial college classic. It is my belief that the only people who should be exposed to that are: God, your gyno, and your partner. It is akin to how I imagine the people feel who film documentaries about animals getting eaten. You feel sad, a little bit disgusted but can do nothing to stop it.

I am not going to say that I am so prude that I think there should be no sassy dancing at parties and other occasions (though I always keep that 12 inch ruler in my purse...kidding...). I think there is a huge difference between following the music and having fun and looking like you should have on clear, light up platforms and that your name should be "Stardust." So go out, have fun, dance away to the "phat beatz", but remember keep it classy.

*For the ladies, a little something to remember: You don't come with batteries, please don't act like you do.

lovelove.

Jordan

seeestors.

It's past one, I can't sleep I have an 8am, and what am I doing? I'm texting my sisters. It's funny to think about our relationship, people often say the four of us are vastly different from one another; a bad girl, a good girl, a jock, and a little black heart (sounds like the breakfast club). To some extent this is true, each of us has our own distinct personalities and traits. These differences have sometimes caused us to not understand each other fully and because of this become annoyed or angered at one another. Although we sometimes have our little arguments, get angry, and say things we don't mean (I mean, I'm sure I can't actually land a spaceship on my forehead), there is no one who rushes to my side faster.

Over the past couple of days I have needed the three of them more than ever and they have been there, their love and support unwavering. When I can't sleep, when I just want to shut everyone and everything out and pretend everything is okay when it isn't, they know. I honestly don't know what I would do these past couple of days without them. I feel like I would be in a corner somewhere in a million pieces if they weren't constantly able to pick me up and put me back on my feet again. I am so thankful for them, I don't think my words can even do it justice.

My Nonnie always says there is no greater love than that between sisters, the bond we share is so innately strong, we don't even realize it. I now know for certain I have experienced it. I love being 1/4 of the "Virden girls" and I love the confidence and strength being a part of this bond gives me.

lovelove.

Jordan

Well, before I go to sleep.

Beating around the bush. Talking in circles. It's all the same code phrases for being afraid of something. Some giant intangible concept I just can't give into actually saying or writing down. I guess it's like the feeling I had when I was 8 and slept with the lights out,I never knew if something was going to crawl out from under my bed, something that will scare me or hurt me. And I guess the monster hiding under my bed as a child is the same sort of monster I fear is going to fall out of my mouth as soon as I open it and try to express myself. But I guess the monster and my 8 year old self were really one and the same, just a wild imagination trapped in my little head. And I think now that still holds true. Whatever ever happened to saying the truth, when did I loose the will to say how I feel about things? I just want to give into saying something, instead of letting each moment pass with my lips sealed.

And, I guess this post just proves how incapable I am of giving any sort of depth to my posts. It all just superficial ramblings about concepts and thoughts I keep locked in my little crazy head.

Sweet Dreams.

Ali

stay awake through summer like we own the heat.

I just want to know how summer plays out, that is all. I just really want to know. I get really anxious. I mean, the past few summers have been a little off not in all aspects, but. I mean, I don't know. I hate feeling nervous, it's the most obnoxious feeling in the world.

hmmm formal chapter,imma look real swell with new balances and a dress.

Hahaha.Today is a mess.I'm a mess, but in a light hearted romantic comedy sort of way. I left my flip flops in the library, so....I have to wear my new balances with my coral banana republic dress, so fashion forward. It really says- hey world, yeah I was at the library and then went to cycling and no, I didn't go home to change...I changed in the women's bathroom in the science building. Why? That's how I roll.

I feel like I have been staring at the sun all day. I literally feel like if someone asked me what my name was i'd look at them with a blank and quickly turning to worried expression on my face. My brain is totally strawberry jello today. (haha, that's a ridiculous statement, but it's truly the best I can do.)

By the way, whoever made the "Nothing But 90s mix" on fratmusic.com...they are my HERO. This playlist is almost....too good. I mean, do you know how long it's been since I've heard All 4 One- I Swear? Probably a decade.

نعم نعم نعم

vintage wall to wall

Alexandra Virden: a fan of grilled kosher meat.

It's just...who she is.

Jordan Virden Ali Virden made out with a hot dog at the hot dog eating contest. zing.

Alexandra Virden

ya damn right i did. KAs wouldn't let me join in the contest so i snuck into gamma phi's kitchen and had a triple kiss with two hotdogs. it was disgusting.

Jordan Virden

You should be ashamed!

Becky Resnik

hahah ali does love her hot dogs!

Even though my computer just somewhat broke I think today is going to be alright. It's a beautiful day and I have no tests this week. I'm learning to be thankful for the small simple joys rather than trying to predict the next thing that will go wrong.

lovelove.
Jordan

For someone who has a lot of words at the tip of my tongue, i really think that there is nothing more frustrating than the debilitating feeling of not being able to express myself via the english language. My essays are lacking strong vocab and honestly my last posts on here sound a little pretentious.ugh.i don't know how to remedy this situation.....and i hate logic...just throwing that out there.

I hate this feeling, I know it is necessary and for the best but I hate it. It's like learning how to go about your daily habits all over again. Every routine thing,every mundane detail, the same yet so different. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but hopefully I make peace with this leap of faith.

I wish I was home, surrounded by family, sitting in Nonnie's kitchen with nothing but her calming, logical voice, Frank Sinatra, and the smell of italian cooking. Hopefully I can venture home before school lets out for the summer, until then I will just have to make the best of phone calls and text messages.

Jordan

The mark of a gentleman.

Ladies: Luke is young, single, and heavily republican. Also his ideal pick up line is as follows:

"Look bitch, I had a banging time with you last night. You Tryna?"

Look out ladies of the north eastern United States, Luke Eli Menefee is on the p-r-o-w-l.

Alexandra Virden Luke Menefee, it's hard being your bestfriend. i mean i'll do it. but...it's hard.

Fri at 10:14pm · Comment ·

You like this.

Alexandra Virden

wait, direct quote from luke tonight- "let's just say I made the dance floor my BITCH."

Yesterday at 3:12am

Jordan Virden

YA he did Luke is a dance master ummmkay

Yesterday at 11:29am ·

Alexandra Virden

wait another great quote:"and then, I mean...I pulled her in close...and we danced..not like freak danced...not like you and andrew,but we danced.

Yesterday at 11:49am

Jordan Virden

I like the little not like you and andrew part....ITS NOT DANCING IF IT'S INITIATION IN THE GUARD ROOM.

Yesterday at 11:55am ·

Jordan Virden

I feel like this is a story of epic proportions (you know like the Iliad) and we shall speak of this to our grandchildren someday. Or at least that is how it has been built up in my head.

Yesterday at 11:56am ·

Alexandra Virden

i agree, this is...perhaps the love...of...the century? stronger than romeo and juliet

Yesterday at 12:08pm

Alexandra Virden

infact, i'm almost positive luke texted me this:"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun."
.....it's like stop stealing shakespeare's lines, ya aint cute.

Yesterday at 12:10pm

Jordan Virden

It's like who does he think he is. Try to be your own master of English prose Luke, who does he think he is. He maybe a dancing diva but I don't see a lyrical genius. LISTEN TO SOME GAVIN DEGRAW THEN GET BACK TO ME.

Yesterday at 12:12pm ·

Jordan Virden

"this girl who was ugly as shit but still a girl"
someone call hallmark and get that on a greeting card. Luke....honestly.

Yesterday at 12:19pm ·

Alexandra Virden

hahahah. someone please call hallmark, luke is young, in love, and prolific.

Yesterday at 7:04pm

Cheers!

Ali and Jordan "Luke is def tryna get with some girl" Virden

my fortune.

I ordered Chinese food from Teapot. I will tell you, one of my great vices in life, one weakness for me is take out Chinese food. I don't care what it is, I'm almost positive i'll love it (or at least try it.). I think the little white boxes with the red houses on them are so cute and I feel really cool using chop sticks correctly (I guess it's a point of personal pride.Haha, I guess I'm simple.) Plus, what is better than getting a nice fortune with your dinner? Best idea ever.

I can tell you exactly how the evening will go, because I can't make it to the library, I'm going to turn on 500 Days of Summer, step away from my Mac, cuddle up with Nietzche and The Gay Science (and a highlighter) and some Chinese food.......and see what happens. I mean I like to think of Nietzche and 500 Days as a power couple made up of inanimate objects.

Anyway, back to what this post is originally about, my fortune. Here it is: "You will soon receive pleasant news of a personal nature." I really hope this comes true.

[Other People's] Love Letters

Every now and again I am compelled to re-read "Other People's Love Letters." It is a collection of 150 love letters that people have found. It always amazes me the depth to which people reach to express themselves to others. There are so many different types of love letters documenting all the stages of love, new to old, beginning and ending. I have a new favorite each time I read it. Today's favorite, it's from a girl named Tanya to a boy named Dan:

"Dear Dan,

It's taken long enough for me to finally get down to writing this to you. I don't want it to be too shallow nor too melodramatic or sappy so...

I never expected to find someone that meant so much to me in such a short period of time. It feels funny, almost like a bellyache... and it feels great. This is all so new, but it seems just right, like everything is in its right place.

I haven't had any particular feelings for anyone in such a long time. Now there's all these emotions coming over me in rushes. I want you to know that if I ever feel the least bit hesitant, I'm just sort of afraid, trying to sort everything out. I can't believe that something so wonderful is actually so real.

The time I spent with you wasn't just "fun." A word like that doesn't even come close to describing what happened between us. It was all so natural, so o.k. Whenever I used to be with anyone it always felt sort of "wrong", almost dirty. I never felt that good about it. But this it was so raw, so pure. Everything was perfect. You make me feel so comfortable with myself, with myself being with you. You've brought back the thumping heart beat in me - when you feel your chest is just going to burst open. My breath heaves just when I look at you , look into you. Thats never happened to me before. I've never expressed myself to anyone as I did to you.

I love taking you in in all ways possible-looking at you, hearing you, smelling you, tasting you, feeling you. You are truly an amazing person.

I don't know how to end this. I refuse to speak of the future. In my little idealistic world, everything stays as it is right now. And I'm not sure what words I should pick to sum everything up. I just wanted you to know I feel very strongly for you.

Always&Ever,

Tanya Leigh"

I love this letter because it's so honest and real. The girl who writes it I feel like isn't trying to create some overused prince charming fairy tale, she is just explaining her feelings in pure form for someone she loves. I love love love this letter. If I am ever able to someday be a more adept at writing English prose I hope I can create something like this for someone I care about. For now, I will just read them and be amazed.

lovelove.

Jordan

I've never been so alone, and I've never been so alive.

I really want to have a serious conversation with someone about third eye blind's lyrics.

They are mind blowing. I love how effortless they are and how the subject matter in the songs is so real, when they talk about love,sex,drinking,drugs they have no shame in shedding light on the nasty side of each situation. "Ten Days Late" or "Slow Motion" are perfect examples of what I'm talking about. Taylor Swift can keep her lyrics about her crush being a prince and having the perfect day, I'd rather blast songs with lyrics like-"I know you'll find I'd say the words, but no words come to mind. But you let me in ,and I don't know why-when you come, its like a thousand Julys" Cause that's real to me. That intense feeling you get with someone mixed with not knowing how to accurately express what you feel for that person. Anyway, I mean I'm not going to blog about music too often, but I just feel like Third Eye Blind is worth praising...a lot.On replay.

Songs I'm obsessed with by them: Wounded, Bonfire, Motorcycle Drive By,Narcolepsy,I Want You, and Deep Inside of You.

-Ali

Hm, it's already sunday morning.

This post happens to be about three different boys (oh em geeeee.)

It's really interesting who people turn to when they get/become so frustrated with a certain type of situation. I think there is nothing worse than a desperate man,scraping around ever nook and cranny to find any connection to the girl that got away, and in turn reaching out to people who have no real interest in giving them a help up. Needless to say, I got the most interesting text and phone call this morning. I guess this certain boy has exhausted all other options, and I'm not sure if its time or appropriate to return those phone calls and texts.

Unrelated, isn't it nice when you introduce a new boyfriend to your friends and they like him. I really do love that. I especially love it when they say how good looking he is and how nice he is and blah blah blah. I sound like a 16 year old, but I suppose that's what makes liking someone so grand, it's always appropriate to have a youthful attitude about love....I mean, did I say love. To have a youthful attitude about being in like. ha.

I have this orange beaten up shoe box under my bed. Its sort of sad to me that I completely forgot that it was there until I went searching for a blue purse I have. It caught me off guard and when I opened it-I flipped through all the old cards and read a few, I picked up the dried flowers, each crumbled a little, and then I looked at some old pictures at the bottom. It gave me this weird feeling, like the one you get when a song hits those chords that make you just want to lay in bed all day and hope that it rains. I think I want to throw the box out, I have no use for artifacts of something that has come to pass.

-Ali

I ain't no lush!

(The title caption is a reference to Molly Shannon's Super Star where is she screaming, "I ain't no slut." I would prefer if the caption was read in that voice.)

I, Jordan Virden, president of the good girl's club, am not a Blue Ridge Mountain Lush! I am a responsible lady! I ain't no lush!

From luke:

" I think Jordan is drunk, really."

Jordan Virden, what have you been doing? Turning into a lush in the mountains? Not my sister.

i'm really burnt.

-Ali

“Don’t ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

- Howard Thurman

What if the exact thing that will make you feel free, the thing that will make you feel most alive is the thing that will hurt someone the most?

I need to (as trite as this sounds) find who I am. Who is Jordan Virden? Over the years I have lost a piece of myself it wasn't obvious at first, but as sure as a dam breaks and water rushes through, it became extremely apparent. It is hard to describe because I know simple likes and dislikes but am a complete stranger to myself on deeper things, things that shape one into who they are supposed to be. While I am not entirely sure how to go about figuring this out, I know I am doing the right thing by at least attempting it. I'm at peace with the decisions that I have made and although I hate hurting anyone, I know it is absolutely necessary.

As for now, this singular way of life is for the best. I need to take a step back and explore who I am and who I want to be. Although it may be lonely this way, I'll take a few lonely nights to not having the freedom to figure out and understand who I am. In the future, how can I love someone else and appreciate them for who they are if I don't even know myself? In order to be with someone and love them completely for who they are you must first love and know yourself. You cannot give someone something that you yourself do not posses.

It's a hard road but it's for the best.

love love.

Jordan

I can't help the way I am

Sometimes i really hate things that have happened to me that have made me question people I care about (unfounded,usually). It's really unfair to them, its like they start out ten paces behind and always are playing catch up to my neurotic thoughts.

Sorry in advance,

Ali

neVer forgeT

Today is the third year anniversary of the Virginia Tech shooting. Although I was not yet a Hokie at the time of this awful event, I feel connected to it and as result am affected by it. I am deeply saddened by the fact that 32 innocent people lost their lives that day. I often think about it, they aren't just names marked on the stones of the memorial site, they were sons, daughters, friends, and loved ones.

In addition to it being the third year anniversary, today is also a beautiful day. It is the kind of day where I think to myself that Blacksburg must be its own little slice of heaven sequestered in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I feel as though the weather is perfect for all of today's remembrance activities. It draws people out of their rooms and onto the drill field to pay respects and just hang out on campus.

I am also reminded today of Virginia Tech's spirit. So many people were proudly wearing their maroon and orange united by the immense school pride and spirit that Virginia Tech fosters within its students and faculty. Also, there was an adorable old man in front of Burrus today with a cartful of little Chihuahua dogs for people to play with and make them smile. It is small acts of kindness like that, helping people put a smile on their face on such a sad day, that truly makes me proud to be a Hokie.

In closing I leave you with my favorite 4/16 memorial quote:

"While 32 of our friends and classmates are trying to explain to heaven what a Hokie is, I stand here sure in the fact that I wouldn’t want to be anything else"

lovelove.

Jordan