"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does that care at all" Eleanor Roosevelt
How do you go about not letting the past hold you back in your relationship with someone new? How do you regain your center and return to normal when what was normal for you for years is, considered by most people, not normal and even unhealthy? How do you go about letting someone into your life when you are constantly held back by the past?
You judge this new, wonderful person in your life by the past. Unbeknownst to them, the past is around them all the time; all the ways you’ve been hurt and all the ways you’ve been broken down. You try not to judge them or use it against them but it is hard not to because the lens through which you perceive both them and their actions is tainted by your scars and the things that have hurt you. You build up major walls and push this new someone away when you think things are getting too close or comfortable both of which could possibly do damage. The closeness and the comfort scare you, because both have been used to betray your trust before. The only problem with this way of thinking is, the other person in your new relationship has done nothing to earn you inability to trust them completely.
"People protect what they love" Jacques Cousteau
So how can this be fixed? Rationally if you keep up with this behavior the situation can only end one way: with you being alone. It’s important to take it day by day. No one can completely heal in one day it takes time. You need to find self acceptance before you go try to let someone else completely into your life. Try to take a leap of faith. This part is paramount yet terrifying because in taking a leap of faith we are making ourselves extremely vulnerable. Sometimes it is necessary to make ourselves vulnerable so we can see that the other person doesn’t want to hurt us, and for this you should give their character as a person credit. It’s important to realize not everyone is out to get you, there are people in the world who think you are great and don’t want to break you down anymore. There are some people in the world who just want to love you for you. Let them.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Monday Night Realizations.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Resolutions or Ways not to: Go Crazy/Get Fat/Fail in 2011
1.Get a 4.0 - I feel like this is the semester my countless hours of studying (and vomitting and crying over grades) should be rewarded in some way other than sensitive tears and no social life to speak of. This is my year to punch school in the throat.
2. Go to the gym sometimes - I am a cupcake and a powderpuff. The least I can do is try to get "fit" by riding the elliptical and lifting some 10 pd weights. I walk everywhere, sometimes I run if I'm late and I walk up soo many stairs in Derring for physics lab but.. it's not enough. I am trying to put a Beyonce ass on and frankly that won't cut it anymore.
3. Go out - Essentially I don't want my future children (or hairless cats, it could really go either way at this point) to think I was a loser in college. So now it's time to be the social butterfly or something like that. I need to let my hair/standards down at least once or twice.
4. Read something other than a text book - this one is really for my own sanity so I don't go cray cray and get an eye twitch. Plus it would be nice to be cultured in something other than: proteins/bacteria/proteins.
5. Visit friends at other schools - I want to see the world and you know, eat at other people's cafeteria's (then mock them for not serving lobster or London broil)
2. Go to the gym sometimes - I am a cupcake and a powderpuff. The least I can do is try to get "fit" by riding the elliptical and lifting some 10 pd weights. I walk everywhere, sometimes I run if I'm late and I walk up soo many stairs in Derring for physics lab but.. it's not enough. I am trying to put a Beyonce ass on and frankly that won't cut it anymore.
3. Go out - Essentially I don't want my future children (or hairless cats, it could really go either way at this point) to think I was a loser in college. So now it's time to be the social butterfly or something like that. I need to let my hair/standards down at least once or twice.
4. Read something other than a text book - this one is really for my own sanity so I don't go cray cray and get an eye twitch. Plus it would be nice to be cultured in something other than: proteins/bacteria/proteins.
5. Visit friends at other schools - I want to see the world and you know, eat at other people's cafeteria's (then mock them for not serving lobster or London broil)
cheers!
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Yearz or rather, the year before we all die.
Well, it seems another year is upon us and as I like to call this year:
“2011: the greatest year that ever happened the year before the world ends.”
Yes, that’s what I was sloppily cheering to on New Years- the end of the world in 2012 when I get incinerated by comets or blown up by aliens degree-less. BUT until then, I plan on making 2011 a great year. When I said that I was planning on making this the best year ever, I was hit with many questions from my friends. They said “Ali you’ve been trying to make the best year ever happen since 1997, but ha good one.” Or “Ali, everyone knows you’re not going to get your life together and everyone thinks it’s dumb you keep telling people you’re interning at a sea shell store.” Or even, “Ali, stop spilling your drink on me.” The latter I guess has nothing to do with my best year ever, perhaps that will be something I keep in mind for one of my new years resolutions.
But, I really feel like this could be the best year ever and I am going to try my best to not let my little black heart steer me into believing it won’t be. I suggest everyone get on board with me and just try to wake up each day and not open your eyes but smile first and to wait 30 seconds before going off on someone because you’re mad. I encourage everyone to thrust themselves into activities they love and focus on the people in your life that matter most. I think this year should be more about who we have in our lives and not what material possessions we need in our lives (especially considering it will all be burnt to the ground May 2012, so it will never really matter if you got a beamer, benz, or Bentley.).
“2011: the greatest year that ever happened the year before the world ends.”
Yes, that’s what I was sloppily cheering to on New Years- the end of the world in 2012 when I get incinerated by comets or blown up by aliens degree-less. BUT until then, I plan on making 2011 a great year. When I said that I was planning on making this the best year ever, I was hit with many questions from my friends. They said “Ali you’ve been trying to make the best year ever happen since 1997, but ha good one.” Or “Ali, everyone knows you’re not going to get your life together and everyone thinks it’s dumb you keep telling people you’re interning at a sea shell store.” Or even, “Ali, stop spilling your drink on me.” The latter I guess has nothing to do with my best year ever, perhaps that will be something I keep in mind for one of my new years resolutions.
But, I really feel like this could be the best year ever and I am going to try my best to not let my little black heart steer me into believing it won’t be. I suggest everyone get on board with me and just try to wake up each day and not open your eyes but smile first and to wait 30 seconds before going off on someone because you’re mad. I encourage everyone to thrust themselves into activities they love and focus on the people in your life that matter most. I think this year should be more about who we have in our lives and not what material possessions we need in our lives (especially considering it will all be burnt to the ground May 2012, so it will never really matter if you got a beamer, benz, or Bentley.).
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