Recently, a friend asked me:

"So when are you going to start dating again?!"

...Dating? This question perplexed me, to be honest dating someone has not even been on my radar. I gave her a simple "Eh no time soon I guess." While my answer to her question was simple the introspection that it caused me to have was not.

Truthfully, I am still working on getting over the last relationship I was in, and it isn't easy. We were together for almost four years. That's a long time and I am realizing that you can't just shut it out. People might not understand why I feel this way I mean, I'm the one that broke it off shouldn't I be fine with everything? I mean I guess if you look at it that way I should be, but I can't just easily forget everything and pretend it didn't happen and that all those years didn't mean something when they did. I'm finding that it's a tight rope to walk, it's a daily struggle that I have to deal with. Sometimes it is hard to compartmentalize it all, I mean it's weird putting things that have feelings attached to them in a little cardboard box under my bed and replacing old pictures with new ones, it is just strange and sad to me.

I don't understand how some people can move on so quickly, how they can just turn the page and forget. I don't think about trying to find or date someone new, honestly I don't want that in my life right now. Realistically I don't want to think about dating again for a long time, I'm just not ready. I didn't break things off just so I could find someone new, that was not my intention at all. I understand that some people use finding someone new to get over their last relationship but, that is not what I want or need in my life. I needed and still need time to myself to find myself and really look into what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I'm not 16 anymore, in two years I'll be graduated Virginia Tech and hopefully I will have a direction in my life that I want to follow. As many people know I am extremely indecisive and that is why I feel I need time to explore different paths that I can take. I don't know what I want for my future, it changes with the winds, that is why this time to find out is so crucial. For once, I just want to be sure.

Jordan