Monday Night Realizations.

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does that care at all" Eleanor Roosevelt

How do you go about not letting the past hold you back in your relationship with someone new? How do you regain your center and return to normal when what was normal for you for years is, considered by most people, not normal and even unhealthy? How do you go about letting someone into your life when you are constantly held back by the past?

You judge this new, wonderful person in your life by the past. Unbeknownst to them, the past is around them all the time; all the ways you’ve been hurt and all the ways you’ve been broken down. You try not to judge them or use it against them but it is hard not to because the lens through which you perceive both them and their actions is tainted by your scars and the things that have hurt you. You build up major walls and push this new someone away when you think things are getting too close or comfortable both of which could possibly do damage. The closeness and the comfort scare you, because both have been used to betray your trust before. The only problem with this way of thinking is, the other person in your new relationship has done nothing to earn you inability to trust them completely.

"People protect what they love" Jacques Cousteau

So how can this be fixed? Rationally if you keep up with this behavior the situation can only end one way: with you being alone. It’s important to take it day by day. No one can completely heal in one day it takes time. You need to find self acceptance before you go try to let someone else completely into your life. Try to take a leap of faith. This part is paramount yet terrifying because in taking a leap of faith we are making ourselves extremely vulnerable. Sometimes it is necessary to make ourselves vulnerable so we can see that the other person doesn’t want to hurt us, and for this you should give their character as a person credit. It’s important to realize not everyone is out to get you, there are people in the world who think you are great and don’t want to break you down anymore. There are some people in the world who just want to love you for you. Let them.