I wish I could grasp the whole concept of, “who you are is not what you did.” Maybe it shows my immaturity in not being able to forgive and forget. I’d like to be able to forgive without looking for something in return. But when you forgive someone it lately seems it’s more of a silent pardon than a statement that will receive a sorry at the end of it. So I try to say, “it is what it is,” take a few deep breaths and move forward. Sometimes though, like old scars that itch or how the tissue under the scar sometimes hurts, you get reminded of the situation. I’ve been hung up on snide comments from one person for over a week. Instead of realizing that in actuality the comments were made with purely malicious intent it eats at me. I feel so bad sometimes for the people who get close to me. I feel like they have the burden of me not letting things go and letting negative past personal experiences color aspects of my reality. I feel like I can only supply them with so many explanations as to why I get so touchy or angry at things before they just look at me and say- I'm not them,I'm not him. I'm not that experience-buck up and move on.
But, I'm trying not to be a drag by posting this. I think what I'd like to use this more for is a reminder to take a pause and remind myself of the last part of the nursery rhymes sticks and stones, to realize that perhaps the acceptance of silent pardons is a great accomplishments, and to stop before I speak or think and remember the person before me isn't the person who hurt me.
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